Think about the relationships where you were challenged emotionally. Your friends might have told you that your partner is ‘emotionally unavailable’ but you couldn’t just believe it until you realise that the other person is not putting in the same effort. Think about how many times you have been heartbroken due to this uncertainty in your relationships. Wouldn’t it be nice and easy if you could figure out instantly what type of person your new partner is? It would be a lot easier than to find out later after you have been emotionally attached and drained.
First, you must know what it means to be emotionally unavailable. Someone emotionally unavailable will have a hard time receiving and comprehending other people’s love and emotions. They don’t realise that their aversion to intimacy affects other person’s feelings. While they are who they are, it will be a lot easier for you to find out all of this at the right time.
Below are 10 Signs that you are with an emotionally unavailable partner.
1. They can’t talk about real issues
An emotionally unavailable person would never take interest in real-life issues. Most of the time, they don’t know how to respond to emotional issues, they don’t know how to give a piece of good advice and how to follow up on that. And, of course, they are too much afraid that they might end up sharing something person so they won’t talk to you about serious conflicts that should be discussed among partners.
2. No serious relationships
If you look into their history, there will be no serious long-term relationships. Although relationship history isn’t everything, it does gives you a hint about what a future might look like with them. If they haven’t been in long-term relationships, they might not be capable of it. They usually exit their relationship before things start getting serious. Usually, they are afraid of being stuck in something forever and they find it difficult to open up with someone.
3. They are usually unavailable
Let’s say you text them first thing in the morning, but you might not get any reply till evening. This is what an emotionally unavailable person would do. They are hard to be in contact with and they don’t tend to reply to each text you send them. They are putting this physical distance because they want to find their emotions and don’t want you to look into that side. They will make plenty of excuses to maintain a distance and not share too much.
4. Your time doesn’t matter
Well, they are likable and adorable but when it is about cancelling your plans, again and again, it is not acceptable. Cancelling one dinner is okay but when it becomes their habit of cancelling every plan that you make, it means your time bears no value to them. They don’t care if you have taken out some time from your busy routine to spend some time with them, they keep on avoiding the chance to spend valuable time together.
5. You are often misunderstood
These people can easily make you feel about their closeness and intimacy needs. They are not doing it on purpose, but it comes naturally to them. Whenever you share with them, they take it the wrong way and make you doubt yourself for what you feel. Feeling misunderstood and dismissed is very frustrating and disappointing especially when you are trying to bring the other person closer to you and trying to make the relationship work. It is not something you expect when you are in a relationship.
6. They are often defensive
As they do not feel comfortable about sharing their emotions and feelings, they are pretty much defensive when they slip something true or if you get too close to them that you start understanding them. They don’t recognise and confront their emotions and feeling rather they get defencive about it too soon. They will get rude too and also, they can create this space among the both of you to stay away from such a situation.
7. Not affectionate enough
A relationship means understanding each other, sharing, and having the intimacy that we need. But with people with emotional unavailability, the romantic and intimate part of the relationship doesn’t work like that. They are usually the expert in turning the other person off and not making any effort to become more affectionate. The relationship soon feels like a friendship kind of situation where there is no romance or spark.
8. For them, emotions are a sign of weakness
Why do you think they are emotionally unavailable? Because they think emotions make you feel and be vulnerable. They don’t like to be vulnerable, to open up with someone, to share personal issues with someone, to get attached to someone, or to value someone so much. They want to live an emotion free life and they don’t want to feel anything. Having such type of person in a relationship is not only toxic, but it can also end abruptly when that person feels that they are getting emotional.
9. They are not flexible
You shouldn’t expect them to even change a bit for you. They live a pretty much controlled and scheduled life where everything should be practical. So, they might show fear and avoidance when it comes to committing things.
10. Perfection Seekers
They deem themselves as perfect that’s why they think everyone else must be perfect too. No matter what. They often find a flaw in their partner and if they can’t find any, they end up being very anxious. They need you to be flawed so that they can give you the excuse of your flaws when they want to end everything.
It is very difficult to live with an emotionally unavailable person and if you know you can’t keep up to it, you might just figure it out before it gets difficult. If you can figure out the personality you are going to connect with, you can be prepared for it or you can stay away from it if you want.