Falling in love is a mix of hormonal changes and the chemistry between two people. But, can you be too blind to fall in love with a narcissistic personality? Or you just don’t know that the person you live is narcissistic?
Psychology defines a narcissistic personality disorder as: ‘a mental disorder where a person has a heightened sense of his or her importance and self-admiration.’ The people who have this disorder believe that they are superior to others and they seldom care for anyone else’s feelings.
Rang any bells?
Well, if you don’t know that you are in love with a narcissist or not, here are ten signs that prove that you live a narcissist. Cheque if you find these attributes in your partner.
1. Charming But For Their Good
At the start of their relationship, they will come all charming and romantic with their charismatic personality. They will try their best to win you over with their charm. They will make you feel special and seduce all.
While there is nothing wrong with being a romantic partner, soon it wanders off. Or worse, they keep using their charm on you to use you. They extract whatever they want from you and be done with it.
2. Gratification Required At The Moment
If you are in love with a narcissist, you will find them self-absorbed and self-centred all the time. They expect you to fulfil their needs at the moment. They might fight with you if you don’t answer their call and texts immediately or you don’t do the things their way. Just try to say ‘no’ for once, and if they go off the trail, then you do love a narcissist.
3. Entitlement Is Their Habit
They often expect exceptional treatment from others. They expect you to cater to their needs and want nothing in return. In their minds, the world revolves just around them. You can observe the behaviour when they visit a restaurant with you. See how they behave with the waiters and other staff members. If they are all about picking mistakes and making them embarrassed, then there is your narcissistic lover.
4. Love to Talk About Oneself
One of the easiest ways to track a narcissistic personality, just see if they want to talk or listen. A narcissist loves to talk about himself exaggeratedly and excitedly. If they dominate the conversation every time you talk about something, then you love a narcissist. They always focus and give extra value to their issues and life more than yours.
5. They Lack Reliability
Another way to spot a narcissist is to see how much they act according to their words. Many of them don’t follow through their own words. They will break promises, not follow the appointments, and fail in fulfilling any agreements. This can also mean that they are emotionally available one time and are gone the next.
6. Manipulation Is Their Favourite Play
Some narcissists use their romantic partners to fulfil their personal needs without giving anything in return. They might use to fulfil their ambitions, cover up their flaws and stuff. They might even say things like this:
“I can’t wait for you to meet my friends so that they can be jealous”
“I get to live with my girlfriend rent-free and I can also use her car”
7. They React Negatively When You Don’t Do What They Ask
They can’t stand disappointments or rejection at any stake. If they want you to do things their way, you must. Otherwise, there are consequences. They become rude, fight with you, or worse, might torture you emotionally that you don’t love them anymore. These are all the tactics they use to make you do whatever they want.
8. No Commitment
You might have fallen in love with their charming and charismatic personality, but you won’t get a serious relationship out of it. They often have commitment issues. They often take advantage of their relationship with you, use you for whatever they wish, but keep an eye on the options outside.
If you see them looking at other people intimately, then you are in the wrong ride. They want to keep you, make complete use of you and then ditch you for someone else. They are just afraid that it might not work with you that’s why they never make serious commitments.
9. Boundary Violator
You won’t find them not following the rules around them. They seldom care about what are the rules and regulations around them. They tend to believe that they make their own rules and they should be able to have others follow those rules.
You will find them cutting a queue, stealing office supplies, disobeying traffic rules, and breaking multiple appointments. And, above all, they will feel pride in it. Also, they don’t care if their behaviour is affecting society or the surroundings in any way. They are happily different.
10. Constantly Put Others Down
Their gratitude and superiority come from putting others down constantly, even you. If you are with them for a long-time period and you have seen big changes in your personality as you have no longer any confidence in you, you think you don’t deserve anything good, or anything that comes to you is a blessing that you didn’t deserve. These thoughts have originated from them putting you down in this whole period.
They may even make stupid jokes about someone’s background just to make them embarrassed or inferior. If you see these things in your partner, you might be in love with a narcissist.
Love is an amazing feeling but it doesn’t always do good to you. If you love a narcissist, they will extract out the self-esteem and confidence from you leaving you all alone and undeserving at the end. You must take notice of the small things that are happening when you are with them. Keep yourself and your thoughts checked after every visit you have with them. This will make you see it clearly how they are ruining your personality.
Are you and your partner going through a rough patch? Do you feel like you're stuck in a rut and not sure how to get back on track? Our couples therapy in London can help. Our experienced and professional therapists can work with you both to identify and address any underlying issues, help you communicate more effectively, and give you the tools you need to rebuild your relationship. We invite you to book a session with us today and take the first step towards a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationship.