I feel lonely in my marriage: What to do and how to cope


Loneliness is the state of being alone and feeling sad about it. People can be alone and not feel lonely, or they can have contact with people and still experience feelings of isolation.

1. Causes of loneliness in marriage

There are several causes of loneliness in marriages. From miscommunication to other complexities, such woes can create a gap between you and your partner.

Loneliness in marriage mainly occurs due to a lack of communication between the partners. An unhealthy work-life balance may cause stress and reduce time spent together, affecting physical and emotional intimacy. This leaves the other partner feeling lonely. Your interaction with your partner becomes hostile and argumentative, and you start assuming things. You stop sharing your feelings with your spouse because you now know that he/she will not be empathetic.

Loneliness can also be attributed to internal factors such as low self-esteem, fears of vulnerability: When someone gets bullied or is in a relationship that leaves one heartbroken an armor starts to form to protect against any possible future instances of pain. And, in doing so, a gap begins to grow between you and others. What protects you from pain also denies you love. The death of someone significant in a person's life can also lead to feelings of loneliness.

Poor Parental Attachment: more than anything, we learn how to connect and form bonds with others based on the bonds we’ve had with our caregivers.

A report suggests that 36% of all Americans—including 61% of young adults and 51% of mothers with young children—feel “serious loneliness.”

2. Here are some things you can do to cope with your loneliness

Don’t waste your energy trying to suppress your emotions. Feeling lonely doesn’t mean you’re a loser, it just means you’re human.

3. Communicate with your partner

Talk to each other as often as possible. You don’t have to search for a topic. Talk randomly and share your experiences of that day. Discuss the day’s news or converse about a topic that is of common interest to you both. Approach your spouse from their perspective. That keeps the atmosphere at home lively.

4. Try to be kind to yourself

Recognize your thoughts and see them as a chance to make some changes.

Recognize that you expect to feel lonely during a certain time, and be gentle with yourself.  Plan a drive or to meet with friends. Looking forward to something joyful can bring joy.

5.  Try to understand their point of view

It is not always necessary to look at things your way. Your spouse could have a different opinion. To comprehend your partner’s viewpoint, take a couple of minutes to think. This will also help you avoid the feelings of isolation and loneliness in a marriage.

6. Try to learn each other's love language

Each person has one primary love language that's their preferred way of receiving love. Couples who are trying to feel more emotionally connected with one another learn each other's love languages and start more actively giving that form of affection.

7. Try to keep yourself busy

A hobby, even one you do alone can help. That magical moment where you get lost in doing something you enjoy can push you past loneliness.

Take some time to invest in yourself and your interests and keep your mind occupied in the process.

If you don’t have any hobbies, make it a priority to find one. Experiment with different activities, from fishing to pottery, until you discover things that you love.

8. Develop your own friendships and inner world

Sometimes it’s easier to connect with old friends than it is to make new ones because you already have things in common. It's okay to reach out to people over social media or text message to start. But connecting face-to-face might help alleviate your loneliness more than messaging. Check in with others, knowing they may also find it hard to leave their comfort zone, too. Restart a family game night, or plan a monthly online party with friends across the miles.

9. Find Happiness in Solitude

Loneliness and solitude are not the same thing. One can happen without the other. You can feel intensely lonely despite spending all-day, every day with other people. You can feel completely satisfied spending months alone.

Maybe the key to combating loneliness as a society is not so much to reduce it, but to embrace and learn from it.

10. Start reading a book

Reading books improves brain connectivity, increases your vocabulary and comprehension, and empowers you to empathize with other people. It also aids in sleep readiness, reduces stress, fights depression symptoms and prevents cognitive decline as you age.

Reading a book helps you get inside the head of characters or narrators. It’ll help you understand how other people think and it can help you feel more connected.

11. Volunteer for a cause

Taking time out of your schedule to help others can be a great help. Lending a hand can unlock your inner joy and help you feel like part of a larger community. It brings the benefits of altruism and can help you find more meaning in your life. It can help decrease loneliness in marriage.

12. Getting professional help

A therapist can help you uncover any underlying causes of your loneliness.

Talking to a mental health professional might help you make more meaningful connections with people and it may also help you discover strategies for coping with loneliness in a healthy way

If you’re struggling with loneliness and you don’t know what to do, you might want to seek professional help.


Are you struggling to communicate effectively with your partner? Are you feeling disconnected and unhappy in your relationship? Our couples therapy in London can help. Our experienced therapists provide a safe and supportive space for you and your partner to explore your feelings, identify underlying issues, and learn practical tools for improving communication and rebuilding intimacy. Don't wait any longer to start repairing your relationship. Book a session with us today and take the first step towards a happier, healthier partnership.

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