Is my wife controlling? 10 signs to look out for and what to do 


Healthy relationships involve trust, respect, and open communication between partners and take effort and compromise from both people. There is no imbalance of power. Partners respect each other's independence, can make their own decisions without fear of retribution or retaliation, and share decisions.

But sometimes the balance of power is disturbed and one partner tries to take control of the other in manipulative and unhealthy ways creating an unfavorable environment between both of them

If your partner constantly makes you feel intimidated, insecure, or guilty, you could be in a controlling relationship

Here are 10 signs to indicate that you are being controlled by your partner.

1. She checks up on you more than required 

She calls you several times a day to keep a check on you and always asks questions about your whereabouts and activities at work

When asking you questions does not seem enough, she ends up snooping on you and will start doing things like checking your phone, and keeping a tab on your expenses.

Also, remember that if you are staying out late without communicating with your wife then she has a right to ask why you are late.

2. She constantly tries to manipulate you 

  • Manipulative partners often use guilt as a way to induce you to do what they want; such people try to make you feel guilty for honoring your own wants and needs. Those who are manipulative often are passive-aggressive
  • If you have done something wrong in the past, she uses it to her advantage, especially if you have wronged her in any way. Then, she reminds you of those mistakes to guilt-trip you and give in to her wishes.
  • Your spouse may also make subtle threats throughout the relationship. They may not be direct with their words, but you'll get a sense that if you don't do something for them or give in to what they want, bad things will happen.

Living with someone who is manipulative is a massive energy suck and will drain you of your confidence as well as your peace of mind.

3. She criticizes you way too often

Your wife might criticize how you do things, what you do, how you act, how you dress, or how you look or who you see. She wants you to do everything her way and if you do something that is not favorable for her she severely criticizes you for that.

4. Jealousy and insecurity 

Not trusting your partner to stay faithful to you and constantly worrying that they're cheating on you. Feeling jealous of all the other people in their life and resenting the other people they are close to are some signs of a controlling partner. She fears losing you. Her insecurity is so strong that she becomes jealous of every woman you talk to. If there's too much insecurity it can create a toxic atmosphere in the relationship and can wreak havoc on your confidence. It can even separate partners who love and care for each other.

5. She tries to make you dependent on her

If she tries to make you dependent upon her for any of your needs, financial, housing, vehicle or something else, beware of that because she might try this tactic to gain full control of the relationship, and control in a relationship is a form of abuse. Val explains that abuse can come in many forms; it can be physical, emotional, sexual, financial, spiritual, and psychological.

6. She doesn't respect your boundaries 

Being married does not mean that you do not need time for yourself, but if you are living with a controlling wife she tries to invade your personal space and tries to keep you in her control.

They want to exercise control over their partners in a variety of ways; these might include what partners wear, how partners speak, who partners see, and so on.

7. She tries to isolate you

Controlling partners often intentionally separate their significant other from the people that care about them, because it offers them greater power and control over the relationship.

And unfortunately, it is extremely effective, subtle, and difficult to detect. Yet while isolation may be difficult to detect, it's not impossible to recognize.

8. She thinks she is always right 

During an argument, she never accepts her mistakes and tries to divert the topic.

They make you think everything’s your fault. You’re blamed for minor things you have nothing to do with. If something goes wrong, they take on the role of victim and make you believe you’re responsible for things beyond your control.

You might hear “it’s all your fault” or “you shouldn’t have done this” come up in conversation.

9. She makes you feel incompetent for making decisions 

Someone exerting excessive control may constantly act superior and try to undermine your reputation.

If your partner is making derogatory comments they’re likely trying to cut down your self-esteem. Once a victim starts questioning their own judgment, it’s easier to take advantage of them.

10. She has an irrational temper

They show irrational behaviour like one moment they’re buying you gifts and lavishing you with praise, and the next, they’re acting like a bully.

When they feel like they can't control you, they will likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you and also becoming irrationally angry if you don’t answer your phone right away.

How to deal with them

  • Figure out the causes behind their controlling behaviour and openly communicate with them
  • Take control of your life and set clear boundaries if your partner is being overly manipulative and stop giving them control over you.
  • If your wife doesn’t bother trying to correct her controlling behavior even after your consistent effort. In that case, it’s time to involve a professional. It doesn’t matter how she feels about therapy; try to make her understand how seeking professional help can improve your relationship.

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