Let’s make this clear. There’s no place for shouting, screaming or angry demands in a healthy relationship. You shouldn’t have to accept this from anyone, let alone your spouse. By accepting this toxic method of communication from your wife – and doing what she’s demanding of you – you’re teaching her that it’s beneficial to yell at you. So, while you may have peace, for now, the chances are she’ll be yelling at you again in the future.
The reasons for your wife getting so upset and yelling at you may seem trivial to you or even silly. However, to her, they’re not silly at all. It is true, that couples tend to fight about 3 primary topics: finances, sex, and household responsibilities. However, many women who argue with their husbands about these topics may be harboring anger on a deeper level. It has been my experience that women who take to yelling at their husbands are usually not angry so much as hurt.
Here are some reasons that lead to yelling:
1. Lack of respect
Yelling is one of the warning signs that your wife does not respect you. She could be yelling at you because she feels like she’s in control of the marriage. Your wife knows you will fall in line and do what she wants whenever she yells. Unless you change how you respond to them, she will continue to yell at you so that you can give in to her demands
2. She feels overwhelmed
Your wife might be feeling overwhelmed and doesn’t feel like she’s getting the support she needs. According to relationship counselors, this is the second most common reason wives say they yell.) For instance, she may shout at you because she feels you don’t help enough around the house. In most cases, yelling is an effective way to communicate these emotions and get what she needs from you.
3. She has a short temper or emotional issues
Your wife could yell at you because she loses her temper easily and cannot control herself. Before you conclude that she loses her temper, you should assess whether she controls her temper when in public or the company of her friends.
4. She has low self-esteem
A woman who has low self-esteem and struggles with having confidence often ends up creating trouble in a relationship. If she feels unattractive or hasn’t accomplished enough in her life, she will vent her anger through unacceptable behaviours such as shouting and yelling.
5. Lack of connection
Your wife may feel you have lost interest in connecting with her emotionally. As a result, she may believe that your sexual relationship is void of emotional closeness or intimacy. Or she could feel that you don’t listen to her when she is talking. This is a common complaint of many women. They simply don’t feel heard by their husbands, which in turn, causes them to feel alone in their relationships.
Whether your wife is to blame or not, you should make an effort to stop the yelling if you want to save your marriage. Here are 10 things you can do to stop your wife from yelling at you.
6. Try To Listen And Understand Instead Of Nagging
Your objective here is to understand what’s going on with her. Not anything else. If you are not clear on something, ask. Listen carefully to what she is saying. You won’t get anywhere if you don’t understand her. Truly listen to what she is trying to say. Everybody needs to feel heard. Additionally, taking the time to let her talk about what she is angry about may help her to figure out what is bothering her underneath it all. One way to make her feel like you truly hear her is to simply repeat back to her in your own words what you heard her say.
7. Remain calm yourself
Keeping your cool when someone is yelling at you is difficult, but serves you in the long run. If you react to her yelling by shouting, screaming, cursing, or any sort of physical action, it’s only going to create more conflict! Usually, it will create more intense conflict too. It certainly won’t solve either of your problems.
8. If You Are Wrong and Apologize and acknowledge
Take responsibility and apologize if you have done something wrong. If not, you don’t have to apologize, but at least acknowledge her concern and feelings. Marriage is a two-way street. There is nothing a woman respects more than a husband who can take ownership of his part in a given situation.
9. Help Out With The Household Chores
Try to keep up with your part of the house chores, and if your wife is falling short, don’t criticize her outright. Try to figure out why, and if possible, reassess your plan. Ultimately, if you and your wife don’t have the time, you can hire someone. However, this is another decision you should make together.
10. Take A Break From All The Triggers And Spend Time Together
here could be certain triggers that make your wife yell. Maybe a place, a thing, a memory, a person, etc. If you can identify the triggers, you can stop your wife from yelling by removing them. For example, if there’s something at home triggering the yelling, you can take your wife on vacation or weekend getaway somewhere else. If she often yells at night, you can try taking her out for dinner. The most important thing is that you spend your time away together
Your wife might not always yell because she doesn’t respect you. Her anger problems might stem from abuse or trauma in her past. If this is the case, the best solution is to seek help from a therapist. In extreme circumstances, it could be that your wife is suffering from mental health disorders such as bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder. A therapist will be able to refer the correct treatment for problems like this.