There is nothing more frustrating for a man and a couple than premature ejaculation! When a man, and therefore the couple, is suffering from it, both partners end up being sexually dissatisfied. Indeed, what happens is that the intercourse is too brief for her to reach the climax, and it is too little time for him to reach the orgasm, despite having ejaculated.
Symptoms of premature ejaculation
Often, men suffering from premature ejaculation develop a sense of insecurity regarding their masculinity and they start believing that they are not able to satisfy their partner or that they “maybe not be up to the job”. Their mind goes to ‘frustration planet’, as they are never able to reach proper sexual satisfaction, sometimes even during masturbation, nor they are able to satisfy their partner.
Commonly, men in a relationship, suffering from premature ejaculation became easily irritated and move the focus of their frustration on relational problems with their partner to avoid sexual intercourse, or they avoid having sexual intercourse, sometimes even when they are single.
Also, their partner may start to feel guilty for not being able to be satisfied within the short intercourse, or they can start to be frustrated to the point that they break-up the couple out of frustration and dissatisfaction eventually, as they feel unable to help their partner.
On the other hand, single men experiencing premature ejaculation can gradually start avoiding having any sexual relations or to have relationships at all, as they are too ashamed of their condition. Sometime, it can even happen that they develop the habit of having sex only with prostitutes in order to avoid the shame.
Causes of premature ejaculation
In any case, if such men do not ask for help, they will end up developing depression eventually, but what is that causes this condition?
Premature ejaculation disorder is triggered by 3 main causes:
1. Biological cause:
Some men can develop premature ejaculation problems as a result of other medical conditions, such as for example prostatitis, an inflammation of the prostate. There are other medical conditions that may cause premature ejaculation, and that can be check with an andrologist. In this case, premature ejaculation disorder is the consequence of another medical condition and its symptoms will disappear as soon as the primary condition is cured. Recover time may vary according to the medical condition that caused it, but generally, it is possible to see the symptoms disappear shortly after the beginning of the cure.
2. Psychological cause:
In this case, men develop premature ejaculation problems as a result of performance anxiety-related problems. Men suffering from performance anxiety generally feel insecure about their masculinity or suffer from low self-esteem. As they did not feel “up to the job”, they would experience high levels of anxiety any time they are under pressure for performing, no matter what the performance is about. Sometimes this anxiety is across any aspect of their life, as well it can be focus only on the sexual performance. If their fear/anxiety is focused on sexual performance, then they would develop a premature ejaculation disorder, eventually. It is not unusual that men with such problems develop this disorder during their teen years.
3. Mixed cause
This is the most common cause of chronicity for premature ejaculation. In this case, men develop premature ejaculation problems as a result of a medical condition, but what keeps maintaining the problem is a psychological cause. Let me explain it better. Sometimes, men who develop premature ejaculation problems because of a biological cause, but are not aware of it, can start to develop performance anxiety related to sexual performance. Therefore, in the mind of these men, premature ejaculation is been associated with the idea of not being able to perform under the bedsheets, while they ignore the real reason. They do not know they have a medical condition, because most of the time there are no other symptoms involved, and since there is little awareness about premature ejaculation as a medical condition, most men would think that it is the sign that something is wrong with their mind, rather than with their body. At this point, even if the man finds out about his medical condition and recovers from it, sometimes the problem remains. But why? Because the anxiety of performance already worked its way through the man’s mind, who at that point has associated the premature ejaculation to his incapacity of regular ejaculate. In that case, such a man should seek help from a specialised psychologist to help him overcome his problem.
Then, is premature ejaculation disorder curable when it is the result of a psychological cause? Yes, of course, it is curable. There are many psychological approaches to treat this problem. In particular, the Brief Strategic Therapy approach (an evidence-based approach) appears to be particularly efficient with such a problem in the short/medium- term compared to other approaches.
What should a man do when suffering from premature ejaculation?
First, go for a check-up! Go to your GP, explain your physician your problem and ask your GP to refer you to an andrologist, who is a specialist in andrology conditions (conditions related to the male genitals). Once you have checked if there is or not a biological cause there are two options ahead, which I am going to explain below:
- If you have been to your check-up and you have no medical condition, you should seek help from a psychologist specialised in sexual disorders. He/she will help you tackle your problem.
- If you have been diagnosed with a medical condition then you should monitories your improvement. If from your check-up, you discover to have a medical condition, you should progress with the treatment and observe if your sexual performance improves up until after one month after you recover from your medical condition. If after this period of time, you still suffer from premature ejaculation disorder, then you may want to explore the psychological cause that maintains the problem. As explained before, a psychological cause can be the primary cause of premature ejaculation disorder, as well as what maintains the problem. If you realise that still you suffer from premature ejaculation disorder even after you recover from the primary medical condition that caused it; then you should seek the help of an expert, who will help you tackle the problem from a psychological point of view.
As of today, men still feel the social stigma of seeking help for problem which are related to their sex life, which is the reason why they often condemn themselves to a life of dissatisfaction, as they believe that accepting the fact that they have a problem in such area will diminish their masculinity. Unfortunately … or fortunately though, to the eyes of their partner, seeking help is still the most masculine action of all. So what are you going to do?